Posted on
11 May 2009, under
Dad-To-Be; More Dad-To-Be articles...
Positive Result
My partner and I have recently become parents for the first time to beautiful baby girl Hanne Jane Quinn, born January 13th this year. Everything is going well and we couldn’t be prouder or happier parents! However, Hanne kept us waiting for nearly 6 years. We were one of the surprisingly many unlucky couples that couldn’t have children by our own efforts and we required the help of many doctors, nurses and drugs to help us realise our dream.
My partner was the unfortunate one with the infertility problem of Polycystic ovaries which basically caused her to have very irregular and sparse periods / ovulation and with multiple cysts forming on her ovaries all the time. The process of tackling this problem starts out with basic testing for problems involving minor surgeries such as Lap and Dye and Ovarian Drilling and continues through intensive drug treatments lasting months and finally IVF which is pretty much a last resort. So after about 5 years of messing around unproductively, we ended up having expensive and gruelling IVF treatment.
We did it in Galway and firstly had to go listen to a talk given by one of the doctors there and the only thing I remember him saying was that only a maximum of 1 in 3 of the 12 or so couples in the room that day would be successful. That’s only 3 women out of 24 people who would get pregnant! I’m a pessimist by nature so the thought of forking out €4k with those odds upset me a bit but amazingly, we were one of the lucky few.
Lots is known about what an infertile woman has to go through both emotionally and physically during infertility treatment from the feelings of female inadequacy and depression to hormone wars but a lot less is written about and by men who stand by their sides. Men are at the receiving end of their partner’s irrational, hormone induced rage and tears for months or years on end and the feelings of guilt for not having to go through anything more than the odd blood test and sperm handover while their partners are put through all manner of invasions and emotions, are awful.
The only advice I can give to any man going through this is to just try to be as supportive of your partner as possible. Listen to her, be there for her and spoil her whenever you can if you have any dosh left after the IVF bill! Also make sure you look after yourself too because men’s feelings are often forgotten in this game. Many times the idea that I’d never be a father became very real and it’s a scary thought especially for me as I’m an only child and my family is small. My mother was a single parent and I’m the last in my family with the surname Quinn so the pressure was on to keep the line going. Mind you, we did have a girl so that might still be a problem!
6 years is a long time to be trying for a baby and getting nowhere and for infertile couples on maybe year 1 or 2 of trying it might seem like an eternity but you’ll get a break eventually and modern medicine is fantastic so stick with it. The nurses in Galway were exceptional and we have a lot of people to thank. Hanne is a great baby, has slept most of the night almost from birth (apparently this is unusually lucky for us!) and she is just starting to show some personality so the rewards for us are immense.
Leon Quinn
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